Last Wednesday was my one year anniversary here at Foxy. Since I’ve been blogging for a decade, I usually find bloggers celebrating their anniversaries to be adorable. I’m like the lady who stopped counting her age watching her children proudly declare their age to the exact fraction. I feel old.
I can’t remember if I’ve ever written about it here, but on my other blog I talk regularly about my living with Bipolar II disorder and the changes I’ve had to make to my life to manage it. One of the major changes was installing an emergency break in my head. Now I realize I don’t have the luxury of coasting gently to a stop when my speed gets away from me. I have to drop everything and yank that break with all my might so I don’t crash.
I’ve decided that Foxy has to be a casualty of my emergency break use.
It seems fitting to end this as an anniversary celebration. It is somehow now a year long creative experiment instead of something I’m giving up on. And I saw so so many benefits to this experiment. So many benefits that I won’t be giving up on it entirely, I’ll just be bringing the outfit posts back to Reese Dixon where they started as part of Project Put Together. I’ll still post at least a couple a month. I just have to cry uncle and admit that I’m not giving this the attention it really would require to succeed as a blog on its own and I have to sacrifice it for the good of everything else I want to do.
As I was looking back through my posts to choose the outfits I really loved, or the pictures that made me feel great, I was so so grateful I did this. I wish every woman could do this for a year. Not only did the time and attention to how I present myself help me to rediscover myself, but believe it or not, this little style blog really helped me to conquer some appearance issues. Appearance issues that Every. Single. Woman. has. Probably every single person. As a not-thin person there have been times I’ve seen pictures of myself and I cried. As a person who is now 34 there have been times when I looked at myself in the mirror and only saw changes that made me unhappy. This project changed all that, but not in the ways you might expect.
I didn’t suddenly stop seeing the things about myself that I wasn’t such a fan of. I just started to see them in context. By taking the pictures, processing the pictures, posting the pictures, I seemed to be putting myself through a kind of immersion therapy. I was seeing images of myself so much, some horribly unflattering ones that I deleted immediately and some that made me feel great, I kind of just, got used to how I looked. And then I started seeing things in a different way. I still have feelings about my stomach, but now those feelings are countered by great feelings I have too. Including being aware of the physical difference that comes over me when I feel confident. Those early pictures are shocking to me in their difference from the most recent. And all because I learned what a huge difference it makes to be thoughtful in how I carry and present myself.
Which was really what this experiment was all about. As a feminist and a social justice advocate, I have always had very complicated feelings towards fashion and consumerism and female objectification. My intention in all this was to put some thought into how I portrayed myself, and what do you know, I became my own best convert.
As I mentioned, I’ll still be posting outfit posts on ReeseDixon.com. Thank you for being in this experiment with me.